Two years at KGP, and my friends used to tell me that I had a disorder abbreviated OCD – the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I never took it seriously. A joke – I used to remind myself.
C’mon, what’s the fuss all about? Accept, I like my desktop not to be cluttered with all the ugly icons (I prefer a clean empty desktop). I always plan my daily schedule and hate it if I have to change it. If I am assigned a work, I either do it completely to perfection else just refuse to take up the job. Prefer to do all the tasks myself instead of distributing it to a team. Also I have a set of guidelines, rather a code of conduct which defines my activities, my behaviour and my decisions – yeah, they’re highly biased. And all these things do tend to have an effect on my social life – I am ungregarious, would rather have five good friends than a battalion of friends and associates, prefer low profile people over the rich and the influential. I will be the last person to ask you for a favour, and yeah I am no sycophant. Infact I hate sycophants – the boot-lickers, the pig-shovers, look upon them as the scums lacking any self-respect, the fools always begging for favours, stooping so low that even the devil may feel ashamed of them, the unworthy mean classification of living species that can never be trusted. But then that’s a whole different side of me. Something on it later on.
Getting back to the topic, I had no reason to suspect that anything was wrong with me. I was extremely happy in my little world. But the constant bickering with friends about OCD, I decided to google it up.
The result was disturbing. A few traits did match with the profile of an OCD. However I was not content. I continued my search until I stumbled across OCPD – Obsessive Compulsory Personality Disorder. Voila! This was it. I knew it had to be.
It’s easy to confuse OCPD with OCD. Scanning the text on OCPD made me sure that nothing indeed was wrong with me. That what I have is only a personality disorder, nothing like OCD. I was at ease. This was a relief.
An year has passed since then. There has been a marked improvement in my conditions – all thanks to my friends, though they realise it not. I still do care for some perfection, rule, order, but am no longer opposed to chaos. I pay little attention to things I would have obsessed a few months ago.
But the important question is – Did I really want to change myself ? Was I really concerned about my need to have things done properly ? The answer as I have discovered is No ! The change in my personality was not prompted as a alarm. I decided to change myself for my friends. Inside, I feel no different, but I know now how to present mself to the world so that people don’t freak out. And I think this is the most important difference between an OCD and an OCPD – an OCD is afraid, alarmed, confused by his disorder and feels the need to set it right, whereas an OCPD looks upon it as being no different, he doesn’t really care. All an OCPD worries about is perfection – and that definitely is me.
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